I’m going to start doing a subscription service and I’m in the process of sussing out the details. A legit question for anybody who might be reading this: should I do a Patreon or an OnlyFans? Patreon has the patina of artistic cred – I would start posting stories, small ones and larger ones, and asking people to contribute to view them. OnlyFans is the sexier one – I could still post stories on it, but could potentially move toward more sex-work-ish type stuff, selling more custom work and interacting with people on a more personal level. Plus, I mean, I’m looking pretty hot these days. I’ve never been totally comfortable in front of the camera but I could see posting a nude or two every once in a while. Maybe I’m answering the question for myself? The truth is the idea of taking pics of myself and putting them on the internet makes me nervous in a way that posting my sexual fantasies does not. But my ultimate goal is to find patrons who want custom work and OnlyFans seems like the more direct route to that.
This is all to say: expect new work coming soon that you will probably have to pay for. But I’ll always put free stuff up on this website so don’t worry about that. 🙂
I’m in a groove, man, writing nearly every day with pleasure and coming up with some great stuff. I’ve written the first drafts of four complete, good-to-pretty-good stories in the past two months. The first is about a young homeless guy who gets picked up by a movie star; it’s a wish-fulfillment sort of thing but the main character is really level headed and I like him a lot. Then I wrote one about two old friends traveling through the desert and reconnecting in the middle of the night on the side of the road; it’s not my favorite but I think it has something. The next one I wrote is my favorite so far, it takes place in this pleasurable yet post-apocalyptic small-town world that I’ve written about a lot in the past, but this is the first time I’ve written a stand-alone story in that world, which will hopefully give me a chance to present that world to readers in a way that might keep them engaged. Then I wrote one based on this delightful meme which really did it for me; though I don’t know if the story is all that great but it turned me on, at least.The one I’m writing now is the weirdest one yet…like, I have no idea where it is going but I’m enjoying the world it exists in so much that I’m happy to just wander around in it…it might be a horror story? Or a sex story that never actually gets to the sex? IDK but I’m having a blast.
It’s the Fourth of July. I watched the original version of John Waters’ “Hairspray” last night and was surprised to find it made me cry. I think I was crying for what I believed when I first watched that movie as a child, that the sixties had changed things, that racism was over, that things were getting better. Not that they haven’t gotten better, in some ways. But in other ways…well, you know.
I’ve been writing a ton. I feel super inspired. I’ve written three big stories in the past month or so, and two of them are really good. I don’t know what I’m going to do with them, exactly, but I’m happy to be feeling inspired again. It really is just a matter of sitting down every day and doing it. And laying off the weed has helped, too, honestly.
As for the novel, maybe it isn’t its time, yet. I’ve struggled with it, I’ve made headway, I’ve got a clear path for when I finally decide to delve back into it. I get anxious when I think of how much I love it and want people to read it, because I’m afraid of it going stale. But I have to trust that it will be ready when the time is right. I have to go with the flow of things or else I’m just blocked up.
Hey yinz, just posted a new story, The Engineering of Consent. It’s definitely influenced by the TV show Black Mirror, and I think it’s a pretty good story but I’ve been sitting on it for a while cause it’s a little different than what I usually write and I was never entirely sure where it belongs. Hope you dig it.
In other news, I’m struggling with feeling uninspired and unmotivated. I think it’s a sign that I need to get out more, that I need to give in to it and explore other areas of my life. This transition back into city life has not been the easiest thing for me.
I’m doing a reading in Pittsburgh this Monday, April Fools Day. I’m going to trick everyone into thinking I’m a really great writer. Ha! I’ll probably read the first chapter of my new novel, which I’ve worked over more times than any of the rest of it. It’ll be good for me to have to hear how it sounds out loud. I worked on the second chapter this morning. It’s all pretty easy work. My goal is a chapter a week, but seriously, I’m gonna have to step that up if I ever want to get this fucker done.
I really truly did. Five hundred words or so of a porno story. The novel sits on the back burner – I last worked on it Thursday, I think. I feel distinctly unmotivated. I have all these things I want to do and no desire to do them. I’m avoiding. I got a little obsessed with this movie I saw on Saturday, Climax. It was too much. I just finished watching it again: way too much, but I love it. I saw Us and thought it was plenty beautiful, and fun, with an underrealized third act. I want to write more tomorrow. I’m going to shut off this computer so I can read.
Wrote some words. Well rewrote, really. I’m certainly taking my time through this novel. But right now I’m not making any major shifts. I’m retyping, really; reading with my hands on the keyboard, changing words here and there but not getting too caught up in it.
I wish I knew what to say about Michael Jackson cause it’s all I’ve been able to think about the last two weeks. I just think it’s a relief when truth comes to light. We always knew this, in the back of our minds: now there’s some confirmation. It’s a beautiful thing, really.
I’ve been writing again the past couple of days. This week was fucking nuts and wrecked me, but I had a rejuvenating weekend. I started a story where a guy dreams about having sex with his brother and admits it to him, laughingly, but then the other brother has his own sex dream…and so on. Since mapping the novel I started on the first chapter, retyping it word by word and just considering it all. I started a list of character traits to keep track of who everybody is, though I suspect the details don’t matter as much as I think they do.
From not working for two and a half years to working eight hours a day five days a week – it’s a lot. And my job can be stressful. The cops were called today. I try not to absorb negative energy but a lot gets thrown my way. Then I’m working another job for one day this weekend, and I’m writing an article for the Pittsburgh Pride circular. I have other things to write but limited time to write them. I do the best I can. Today, part of a letter. Tomorrow hopefully the rest of that letter. Yesterday I worked on the story of work buddies who find a fag to lick their asses. Soon I will dive back into the novel, but right now I have too much other shit to be able to focus on it. Overwhelmed.