My Life In Camera Phone Pictures
A photo essay by Natty Soltesz
My life has changed completely in the last four months, and one of the more minor changes was that I got a new phone that takes pictures. Here are some that I’ve taken during this period (some are very NSFW so I’m posting them after the jump).
I got a job at a porn store and I’ve been capturing some of the funniest and weirdest shit I’ve seen there.
This was the initial contender for “Best Title in the Store.”
However it was soon bested by this, one of a series of (for some reason) cereal-centric titles.
The Myley Cyrus blow-up doll: so wrong, so right, or a little bit of both?
The producers of this DVD highly recommend their own DVD. That’s encouraging, right?
The hands-down winner for Worst DVD Cover in the Store. Click to enlarge (if you must) and note the little man rappelling off the cavernous anus. Art directors of this shit must just get bored and do whatever the fuck they want.
I took this next one to amuse a coworker. It’s my big black cock.
Here are some photos just from everyday life.
I did not take anyone by the hand and make love to them in this Chevy Van, but it was so awesome looking I had to snap a pic.
Sign you’re spending too much time on the Internet: you look at a water fountain and think that you can subscribe to its RSS feed (lower left corner).
I saw this sign at a McDonald’s and it made me cry, both for personal reasons and because it’s inherently (and somewhat inexplicably) depressing.
On the other hand, this pastel expressionistic rendering of NSync made me smile when I saw it at a Goodwill.
Target sells happiness. We’re all going to die.
When I saw this in the supermarket I thought, “How disgusting/excessive/unhealthy.” And then a few days later I ate the other brand of frozen pizza I’d purchased and had cookies for dessert.
Finally, this is the last photo taken of my cat Gus, aka Augustus McCrae Soltesz, aka My Special Man. This was minutes before the vet came to my house to put him to sleep. It’s a hard photo for me to look at because you can see in his eyes that he’s troubled, he could barely breathe at this point. I miss him so much, and in some ways it’s like it hasn’t sunk in yet. After I put him to sleep I buried him in the woods outside my old hometown. It was hard work but the soil was rich and dark, I felt like I was planting him. All I know is that I gave him a good life.
May 16, 2011 @ 12:17:30
A) My last job had urinals in the men’s room made by a company with the same name as the paper company that employed my late grandmother. Try pissing for five and a half years and always thinking of grandma when you do…
2) Nivea makes something called Happiness Lotion and for the majority of the time I was Cosmetics/Health & Beauty Department Manager none came in. I loved walking up to coworkers and telling them Walmart had run out of Happiness to with little or no explanation…
May 16, 2011 @ 22:14:42
Just wanted to tell you that I think you are a wonderful person… 🙂
May 18, 2011 @ 09:17:24
this is why we love reading your work. thank you!!! gus is awesome and it sucks.
May 18, 2011 @ 11:01:46
Aww, thanks guys!
May 23, 2011 @ 12:28:40
Sorry that things have been so rough on you lately, and I hope they look up soon.
Jun 25, 2011 @ 01:28:16
Came here for the porn… but shed a tear over Mr. Gus. I just lost my dear sweet cat Shaniqua, so I know how it feels. There’s a website called Petloss.com which is filled with people and stuff that will help! Anyway, dude… I’m gonna get back to the porn, but best wishes.
Jun 25, 2011 @ 05:45:10
Thanks Rob, take care of yourself.