By Natty Soltesz
Randy’s day of reckoning came near the end of July, a lot sooner than any of us had expected. His parents pulled up in front of our house in a black sedan and helped him load up his belongings. We stood on the porch together for one last time and said goodbye while his parents waited for him with sober, scowling faces.
“I’ll be back, you guys, don’t worry. As soon as I get a job and a car. Okay?” I really wanted to believe him. We hugged tight, and I grabbed his ass when his parents weren’t looking.
Of course, we’d had our real goodbye the previous evening. Randy blew the last of his allowance on some amazing weed and a case of Belgian beer, and we had an all-night fuckfest, anything goes. We sat on each other’s faces, sixty-nined, ate each other’s come, and kissed like never before; the three of us making out all wet and sloppy at the same time. All of us got fucked that night; I lost count of how many loads we put into and on each other. Randy even took both of us into his ass at the same time and we came like that, my dick sliding up against Darrin’s fat pole and encased in Randy’s tight ass, our loads spilling and mingling inside him while he shot his own load all over his body and rubbed it into his smooth skin.
Now he was gone, and the house felt like the air had been sucked out of it. We still fucked regularly, Darrin and I, and even slept together for the first few nights after he’d left. But things were never the same.
I still hadn’t told Darrin, or anyone for that matter, about my revelation. I let it gestate in my mind, trying to convince myself that I was the same, that everything was as it was, and nothing could change that.
Suddenly the summer was over and we were moving out, having decided that we could not afford to rent out 428 College St without another roommate. We signed a lease on a little place above a rowdy bar on one of the busiest streets on campus. It lacked charm but it was cheap and sufficient. I knew there was a different group of guys renting out 428. I would walk past there and wonder. I thought about the come stains we’d left on the carpeting.
Darrin ended up making some friends in one of his computer science classes. Nerdy guys, but I liked them. We’d all hang out every now and then, but I was keeping to myself a lot. I had a lot to think about.
I got a job at the bar underneath where I lived. I liked my coworkers, and I even started hanging out with the bartender named Cliff, who was pretty cool.
Darrin and I were still best friends though. We fucked like rabbits whenever we got the chance. Somedays I’d come home and he’d be waiting for me. I’d literally get hungry for his dick, and I’d spend hours sucking him if he wanted. I often felt the itch to take his dick up my ass, and he was always obliging. We had some really good fucks in that apartment.
One night Darrin fucked me over the kitchen counter. He’d been insatiable that night, and I’d been taking it from him for over an hour. When he spewed his load up my butt he screamed bloody murder. There was a moment of silence, and then a group of frat boys started cheering us on from underneath Darrin’s window. What a riot. I bet they would’ve shit had they known what was really going on.
Summer came again. Darrin graduated, but I still had a semester to go before I got my english writing degree. I didn’t know what I was going to do with it. I worked a lot, spending even more time with Cliff and my work friends. I wondered sometimes whether Cliff would swing, but I didn’t want to force anything.
One day he picked me up and we took a group of our work friends to a lake about an hour out of town. It was an awesome day. We got back to the city in the evening and hung out at our bar, drinking our way into a nice, mellow evening. I was just starting to get a good buzz going when my cell phone rang. It was Darrin.
“Dude, what are you doing right now?” he said. “Can you come over?” I could tell from his voice that he was horny, and I started to bone up in my shorts.
“Yeah, I’ll be right up,” I said.
“Must be a booty call,” Cliff said, and everybody laughed. I got a lot of ribbing as I tried to excuse myself from them. I’m pretty sure Cliff knew he was right, and he even seemed a little put off by it. I liked that.
I slipped around the side of the building and went up the steps to Darrin’s place. He opened the door wearing nothing but his basketball shorts, his prick already chubbing up the mesh front.
“Hey,” he said. I just shut the door behind me and went for his shorts. I pulled them down and his cock bounced out and bobbed toward my lips. I sucked the succulent head into my mouth, tasting the juice he’d leaked while waiting for my mouth and ass. Darrin groaned and put his hands on my head, guiding his dick down my throat.
I sucked him deep and hard, but Darrin was obviously jonesing for more. He bent me over the couch and slid off my swim trunks. He buried his face in my ass, his tongue going straight for my hole. I gave myself over to it, relaxing my butthole as he swept his thick tongue into it.
He brought his lubed-up dick to my ass and slid it easily inside. We fucked like friends who knew how to fuck, our bodies tight and close, controlling and adjusting our rhythm as we went. His tongue snaked in to my ear and he wrapped his arm around my chest.
“I’m gonna shoot,” he whispered breathily into my ear. I leaned back to kiss him, and our tongues wrestled together. With several deep, insistent thrusts of his dick his load shot right up into me. The pressure of his pole against my prostate sent my own load streaming out of my nuts and all over the couch.
We went into his bedroom and laid down. I listened to Darrin fall asleep, but my eyes would not stay shut. Somehow he’d fucked me cold sober.
The night was still young, and I could hear laughter coming up on the breeze from the street below. I walked around Darrin’s apartment in the glow from the streetlights. Absently, I started looking through his porn collection. It really wasn’t anything I hadn’t seen before, but I was looking at it through new eyes. Darrin had a huge collection of straight porn. Lesbians, even. He likes girls, I had to remind myself. And guys. Like me.
I went over to where he was lying face down on the bed. His hot, naked ass was presented right there before me. I sat beside him on the bed and spread his ass open, exposing his hairy pink hole. Darrin groaned in his sleep, grinding his pelvis into the mattress. I looked once again at his twitching hole, then brought my face up to his ass. I touched my tongue to his anus, feeling it pulse and squinch up. I put my face in his ass and ate him out, tenderly working my tongue into his asshole as he writhed and groaned. He woke up slowly like that, letting me have at him. I slid my hand underneath his body and stroked his rock-hard dick.
I put my finger to his entrance and wormed it into his tight ass. Darrin pushed back into it, swallowing my finger up to the knuckle. I fingered him slowly but insistently, eventually sliding two fingers inside at the same time.
My dick was standing straight up from my body and pulsing. I got it nice and slick and pointed it at his ass. He moaned audibly as I slid it home, relishing every inch that passed inside him. I started fucking him then, pulling him up onto all fours and forcefully doing him from behind. Darrin took every thrust, crying out in pained ecstasy as I ravaged his ass.
I flipped him on his back and watched his face as I fucked him. His cock was hard, lying like a pipe against his stomach. I sped up, his dick bouncing as I pumped into him.
“Gonna cum,” I said.
“Fuck yeah. Come all over my dick.”
“Oh fuck!” I screamed, my cock like a blur riding in and out of his hole. At the last minute I yanked it out and spewed my come all over his thick, meaty pole. It streamed down his shaft and covered his balls. I bent forward and took his come-covered dick in to my mouth, eating off every drop as I blew him. I rubbed his cummy balls and shoved my slick finger back into his asshole.
“Fuck dude, here it comes, oh fuuuuuckkkk.” His asshole tightened around my finger as his jizz shot into my throat. I drank him down eagerly.
We laid back on his bed for a minute, awake now but fully relaxed from the hot fuck we’d just experienced. Darrin flipped on the light and I tried to find my underwear on the floor as he rolled up a joint. It was even later now; we were in some netherworld time between night and day. I don’t know what came over me, but I felt like it was the right time.
“Darrin, there’s something you should probably know.”
“I know,” he said.
“You know I’m gay?”
“Yeah,” he said. It almost hurt my feelings, because I kind of wished he’d acted more surprised. But in another way it was a total relief. “I don’t know when I figured it out,” he said. “I guess maybe I always knew in the back of my mind.” I was shaking a little, and he put his arm around me and pulled me close. “It’s really okay, buddy,” he said. I couldn’t tell you what I felt at that moment. I almost wanted to tell him that I loved him, but I knew it wasn’t right.
“I was looking through your porn,” I said. “You really like girls, don’t you?”
“Yeah, I like girls,” he said, thoughtfully.
“But you like me, too.” Darrin nodded and looked at the unlit joint, still in his hand. We sat in silence for a minute.
“It’s hard to explain,” he said finally. “I’ve always been attracted to girls, but I’m not the type of guy who talks all crude about them, and jokes with his buddies about who he’s fucked and who he wants to fuck and shit like that. I was always more interested in getting to know a girl. I like the mystery of getting to know somebody, somebody who kind of fascinates you.
“And it’s kind of the same thing with guys. Like with us; when we first met in high school, it was like we found each other. There was that initial spark, and we became best friends. We couldn’t hang out enough, you know? We couldn’t wait to be around each other.
“Sex was never a prospect at first, and probably just because we never fathomed it. I mean, that’s how it is in our society – you don’t do that unless you want to get labeled a certain way, and that label carries a lot with it, a lot of negative shit, and shame. I hope you don’t feel anything like that.”
“I do sometimes,” I said truthfully.
“I guess I’d label myself a situationalist,” he continued. “For a while there, it was just me and you. Then it was me, you, and Randy. Who knows if I’m going to meet some girl who will sweep me off my feet? I don’t know.”
“What about you, though?” he asked. “Were you always attracted to guys?”
“I guess I was,” I said, “but I never let myself accept it. For a while I thought I was asexual, but I went through the motions of dating girls because I didn’t want to stand out. I always pushed the thought of guys out of my mind as soon as I had them. It was too scary.”
“And then Randy came along.”
“Yep, then Randy came along…”
We lay side by side on the bed and smoked the joint. My mind was still swimming with half-formed thoughts. I didn’t know what to think of Darrin’s sexuality, honestly. Part of me wanted to believe he was really gay and just hadn’t realized it. Part of me respected the fact that he wasn’t even sure himself. He did love me, but even in the best-case scenario, it wouldn’t ever be something he would be open about.
That realization hit me like cold water to the face.
It’s been five years since I’ve graduated from college, now. So much has changed that it’s hard to put it all in perspective. I’m working odd jobs, trying to do something with my writing, trying to figure things out.
Darrin got a job out in California not too long after I finished school. He’s had a girlfriend now for about a year, and I’m happy for him. We still keep in touch, but I think the distance is good for me.
The last I heard, Randy was still working in his dad’s office, and probably still hating it. I like to imagine him getting off of work at night and driving around with his friends, getting trashed. They hit on some girls and strike out, and then they go home and Randy shows them how to have a good time when there aren’t any girls around. I wouldn’t expect anything less from him.
I came out to my parents recently and they took it well. All my friends know that I’m gay. I still have this on-again/off-again thing with Cliff, which drives me crazy in more ways than one. What is it that they say? The more things change, the more they stay the same. It’s too true.
I think a lot about those days at 428 College Street, which shines like a hazy, sunlit beacon of my young adulthood; the memory of that place and what it meant to me. I don’t know if I ever felt so intensely in the moment, either before or since. It wasn’t all good, it wasn’t all bad, but it was something. It was life. And really, what more could you ask for?