All-U-Can-Eat
By Natty Soltesz
A snowy Tuesday night, any waiter will tell you, is a total wash out. But there I was, the de-facto head of an all-male crew, handling not only the shit-talking and gay-joking that seems to reach critical mass when no waitresses are present, but also an unrepentant whining from the back of the house.
“Can we fucking leave yet?” said Doug the dishwasher for the hundredth time, and I, in turn, told him I wasn’t authorized to make that decision.
What I could do, however, was give everyone free reign at the bar.
“Nate probably wants to get us drunk so’s he can take advantage of us, ain’t that right Nate?”
“That’s right, Tony,” I said. Tony is the head cook; he and Doug were all that was left of our kitchen crew, while Mark and I were the last servers standing.
“Don’t joke around, I know you want some of this.” Tony lifted his white chef’s jacket and pulled down his checkered pants. He was wearing gray bikini briefs, and he gave his ass a slap, smiling at me. Tony’s a big dude, but he’s got a nice ass and he knows it.
“Yeah, let’s show him,” said Doug the dishwasher, who was always nipping at Tony’s heels. He dropped his pants and wagged his boxer-clad ass in my direction, laughing with a dumb look on his tow-headed face. I just slapped on a smile and let myself chub up, figuring if I was going to get a show, I might as well enjoy it.
***
Mark was being a trooper, and we shored up the side work together. The thing with Mark was complicated. His girlfriend waited tables at Cabiria’s, too, but Mark and I had a connection. Partly it was our shared interest in music, as Mark was a scruffy sexy hippie boy and I was partial to jam bands myself. If there was something more, I blamed it on my over-active sexual imagination. I’m always falling for straight guys, it’s just my lot in life.
By eight p.m., all four of us were belly-up to the bar, and I realized I was too buzzed to do my job if by some miracle a customer should show up.
Tony continued to razz me like it was going out of style.
“Tell the truth, if you could fuck me, you would, wouldn’t you?”
“I wouldn’t fuck you, Tony, I’d ‘make love’ to you,” I joked.
Doug the dimwit snarfed and shot beer out of his nose.
“Seriously, Nate. What would you do – if you were with a guy like me. What would you like to do?”
“I don’t know – same thing you like to do with a girl – fuck, kiss, eat pussy.”
“You mean eat ass,” Tony said.
“Nate licks bunghole,” said Doug the dickhead.
“Shut the fuck up Doug,” Tony said. He turned back to me. “I always wanted to get my ass ate. I’ve always wanted to know how that feels. Can’t ever get a girl to do that, though.”
“Not even your wife?” Mark quipped, and that got a laugh. Tony’s wife was a notorious bitch.
“But you like doin that, though,” Tony continued, undeterred. “Just like guys get off on eating pussy, you get off on eatin ass, right?”
I shifted on the barstool. “Well…yeah. I like it a lot actually.” Tony had this sincere look on his face. Despite his crude nature, I had a lot of respect for the big lug. After I’d met his wife, I actually started to feel pretty bad for the guy.
“If I asked you to do that for me, would you?” he said. Everyone got silent. I could’ve made a joke and instantly defused the situation, but something (the swelling in my pants?) told me not to.
“Yeah, I would.” Tony reached over and clapped me on the shoulder.
“Alright then. Let’s lock up.”
***
When I got back to the bar, Tony had laid out shots for all four of us.
“Dutch courage,” he said, and we downed them.
“You ain’t serious about this, are ya Tone?”
“Shut the fuck up Doug. You don’t know the first thing about gettin a girl off, so maybe Nate can teach you something here.” And with that, he slipped off his pants and undies. He already had a chubby.
I’d avoided looking at Mark this whole time, but at last he spoke up.
“Nate, does that offer just apply to Tony, or does it stand for all of us?” He looked at me strangely – his eyes were kind of distant, like he was appraising me in a new way.
“All of you, I guess. Why not?” A sly smile crept across Mark’s face.
Tony whispered something in Doug’s ear. He undid Doug’s pants and let them fall to the floor. Though Doug still had a look of slack-jawed astonishment on his face, he seemed willing to go along with whatever Tony wanted. His pale peach cock – heftier than I’d imagined – hung out the fly of his boxers, half-hard.
In sort of daze I watched the three of them undress, trying not to pay too much attention to Mark’s naturally muscled body. The three of them got up on one of the big tables, all in a row on their hands and knees – an all-u-can-eat ass buffet.
Tony had his arm slung around Doug’s shoulders, murmuring in his ear, telling him to relax, to go with it.
I started by parting Doug’s downy blond hair-covered butt cheeks, revealing his pink hole. I licked around his crack, loving the effect it was having on him – he was so young and sensitive, everything caused a jerk and a reaction. I started rimming his butthole, tasting the slick skin before diving the tip of my tongue right in. Doug whimpered and squealed. Taking both halves of his butt in my hands, I made a feast of his ass, straining to get my tongue in him as deeply as possible.
Tony kept rubbing Doug’s back. “Feels good, huh buddy? Don’t it?” he said.
“Uh-huh,” Doug managed to say.
“Get into it. You’re hard. Stroke your dick while he’s doin it.”
From the way Doug’s butthole was clutching my tongue it was clear that he was on the brink. I backed off and moved toward Tony’s massive butt. Tony got ready for me with a smile on his face, resting his head on the table and spreading his ass out before me.
“Go for it Nate.” The cheeks of his big, hairy butt were like two desktop globes in my hands. Already spread wide, his deep crack funneled down to a hot, pulsing hole. I buried my face in that ass. Tony’s deep and masculine groans filled the empty restaurant. He took my tongue like a man – being more experienced than Doug, he got into it more, backing his ass up into my face, pushing his butthole on to my tongue. His hole was relaxed enough that I could get my tongue in really deeply.
Tony never cheated on his wife, at least not that I knew of, so I figured he had to be relishing this sexual release. He brought his big paw around and pulled the back of my head into his butt, working his ass against my face. I slipped my pants down and beat myself off as I worked him over.
I heard a moan from Doug, and saw that Tony was casually slipping his fat finger into Doug’s well-lubed asshole. Doug seemed transported, his face held up to the ceiling with his eyes closed, his whole body rocking as Tony finger-fucked him.
Mark was sitting up on his knees, watching the scene. With one hand he was cupping his balls, and with the other he was stroking huge, hairy cock. It was more beautiful than I’d imagined. Mark, still with that sexy smirk, beckoned me over with a jerk of his head.
I pulled helplessly away from Tony’s big ass. Mark got down, pushing out his little hippie butt. It was smaller than Doug or Tony’s but muscled and toned – the nicest butt in the bunch. The cheeks parted to reveal a nice crack lined with straight black hair, ringing a slick pink crevasse.
His ass smelled like patchouli soap with deeper, muskier undertones, like the incense Mark would burn sometimes when I was hanging out with him and his girlfriend. I tentatively stuck out my tongue and touched it to that most intimate part of him. Mark moaned quietly. He started to move his hips, bucking his ass against my lips in smooth, insistent motions. It was languid and intense.
I took hold of Mark’s hard horse cock, which was surprisingly uncut. I ate my way down to his balls, sucking on those for a while. Then I got under him, on the table, so his cock head was lined up with my lips. There was no way I was going to let him get away without giving me some of that awesome cock. In a smooth motion, he pushed it between my lips, and I opened to let it slide down my tongue and into my throat. I took it all the way in, my lips stretching wide to accommodate the thick root.
Mark’s tight body hovered over me, his slim hips working his cock in and out of my mouth. His tight stomach curled up into his body as he humped my face. He looked down at me and smiled.
At some point, I glanced over to see Tony sitting on the edge of the table, with Doug’s head bobbing in his lap. Tony gave me a conspiratorial, sideways smile; then went back to guiding Doug’s head up and down his fat dick.
I let my tongue travel up Mark’s six pack as slid off of the table. He grabbed my arms and pulled me up into him, and out of nowhere we were making out –his bearded face pressing against mine as our tongues colluded in each other’s mouths.
He put me back on the table and threw my legs back, exposing my shaved ass. Now, I know I’ve got a cute butt, but I was not prepared to have Mark bury his face into it just like that. He worked his tongue into my hole mercilessly.
Tony had gotten up and now returned with some olive oil. Doug was lying supine over the table, his legs draped over the edge and his feet resting on the floor, his ass pertly propped up. Tony spread Doug’s cheeks and poured the oil down his crack, then used it to lube up his cock.
He handed the oil to Mark, who got some on his finger and slid it inside of me. This was nothing like the friend I had known and gotten high with for the eight months I’d worked at Cabiria’s. Mark was being so aggressive, taking such control, that it made me wonder if this was something he’d thought about doing for a while.
He laid on top of me and kissed me as he worked another digit into my hungry hole.
“It’s okay,” he whispered.
My ass – his oiled cock – we were both ready. He let it rest against the gate for a second before bearing down. At first I didn’t think I could take it. But he went slowly, steadily, never backing off. He obviously knew how to fuck, and as the pain passed I took hold of his ass and pushed him into me as far as it could go.
Mark started pumping me, shaking the table as he worked his big cock into my butt.
At the same time, Tony slipped his thick cut of Italian salami into Doug’s rump. Tony stood there like a rock, thrusting his cock slightly but making Doug do most of the work. Doug had his hands braced against the edge of the table. His hard dick curved upward from his stomach like a turkey neck. He had a look of pained perplexity on his face as he rode Tony, like, how did this cock get up my ass and why does it feel so good?
You could have colored us both surprised. It occurred to me that Mark and I were “making love” as much as we were fucking. He sucked at my neck, he licked and bit at my nipples. I ran my hands all over that beautiful boy body and we kissed as much as we wanted. The grunts and moans of four horny men filled the dining room. There was a unison achieved as we edged ever closer to our respective orgasms.
Mark looked down at me with his blue eyes.
“I think I’m gonna cum,” he said.
“Me too.” His mouth found mine, and we kissed. He whimpered as I felt his hot load spurting inside of me. I let myself go at the same time, and jets of warm, thick load roped out of my cock, coating my chest and making our bodies slippery as they worked against one another. We came down slowly, our bodies sticking together, our tongues still dueling in each other’s mouths.
We watched Tony, with a mighty thrust, bottom out in Doug’s ass. From his huge moans that rocked the glass in the windows, it was obvious that the big guy was breeding Doug the dishwasher’s virgin butt with his seed. Tony’s spasming dick must have tripped a switch in Doug’s ass – his hard-as-a-nail cock started spurting hands-free, jerking into the air and sending sharp streams of jizz across the floor that I’d just mopped.
Tony slapped Doug’s ass, then pressed his big body against him, calling him baby as their orgasms subsided. I knew that reality had sidestepped us, somehow. How was this going to end?
Well, Doug never came back to work. At the Christmas party a few weeks later, Tony drunkenly admitted to me that he was probably bisexual.
Mark, on the other hand, told me he’d had fantasies of fucking me since we’d first met, but hadn’t had the balls to do anything about it. We ended up moving in together, and he dumped his girlfriend a few weeks later. It’s a nice arrangement. He gets to fuck whenever he feels like it, and I get all the ass I can eat. Who says you can’t have it all?