The Importance of Anal Sex

By Natty Soltesz

In these trying times, when the very notion of a democracy is beginning to seem like fiction, it’s important to remember the little things that unite us all as humans. Like our ability to express ourselves creatively, or our capacity for love, or the fact that each and every one of us has an ass.

Yes—an ass. An ass that can be stimulated, penetrated…and loved. What could be more democratic than the concept of ass-fucking? Everyone has an anus, to use in any way they see fit. And just like the democracy that we are currently enduring in America, everyone can get fucked.

Yes, I do believe there is something quite beautiful in the fact that each and every human has the right and the ability to have their sphincter pounded into oblivion. Ass sex can be a tremendously exhilarating and transcendent experience. It allows males to feel what females feel—to be prodded, invaded. On the other hand to get fucked is to feel the power of enveloping another human being, of drawing them into one’s self. Ass sex just might be the ultimate weapon in the battle of the sexes.

Not to mention that it bridges the gap between cultures in a world where diplomatic relations between countries are strained to nearly the breaking point. Ass sex has always been quite prevalent in Arabic cultures, and think of how many lives could be spared if, instead of terrorizing other countries with bombs or other forms of attack, we could all just fuck each other in the ass and get out our aggression that way? It is a dream that I have.

Straight white men, are you listening? You are the ones who run this world, after all, and maybe it would be beneficial for you to feel how things are at the other end of the stick, so to speak. Perhaps it would do this world a bit of good if you got your girlfriends to peg you, or at the very least, bought yourself a nice rubber dong and slid it up your tight holes.

Vaginas are great, really. I mean, pussy definitely trumps ass in certain obvious areas (less muss, less fuss), but when you get right down to it, isn’t pussy fairly exclusive? Only one half of the population has one. The vagina is an elitist orifice, and elitism has no place in a democracy, at least not in my opinion.

The way I see it, if you really believe in enduring freedom and want to make the world a better place, you should be willing to make sacrifices, and one of those sacrifices should be your ass. If you are a true and proud American, and you believe in democracy, then there is no way you can not believe in the unifying and leveling force that is the anus. You’re either for us, or against us.

So everybody—black or white, rich or poor, female or male, your anus is essentially your badge of freedom and democracy. Remember, freedom isn’t free. Let’s show those terrorists and haters of democracy our strength by taking it up the ass like the powerful nation we know we are.

Remember to take it slowly, and God Bless America.

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